Archive for South Africa

Today, I am ashamed to be a part of South African culture.

Posted in Mind Ramblings with tags , , , , , on August 25, 2010 by starstripe

I am SO sick of how everything in South Africa has become about money money money – we live in a society where money means everything, no matter how many lives it costs.

We’ll drive accross train lines in front of moving trains to make it to the next passenger first for that extra R5, even though we put the lives of 9 children in danger, and kill them, as the train hits the back of the taxi.

We’ll censor the press, so we will be able to throw anyone in jail who finds out anything bad about the government so that we can continue to commit fraud and steal in the roles of government officials, because we justify it as ‘treason’.

We strike for more money (fair enough – they get paid far too little because it goes into the pockets of the government) but then attack and kill people who won’t join us. We become doctors and nurses and take an oath to ‘first do no harm,’ but when we want more money we leave people to die in the entrances to hospitals.


And the people who steal, disobey the law and put their own financial wellfare over the lives of their fellow countrymen are the ones who point fingers at South African expats, call them deserters and say that they are the reason South Africa is falling apart. It is SO NOT AYOBA TIME in South Africa.

Today, I am ashamed to be a part of South African culture.


Mugged AGAIN. Gosh, darn it.

Posted in Random Randoms, Uncategorized with tags , , , , on March 20, 2010 by starstripe

Last night a friend, her boyfriend and I were mugged in the lovely hippy-town of Observatory.

To be quite honest, I used to live in Obs myself, and lets just say, two of my exes had dreadlocks and “only smoked hash, man.”

In the years I have lived in Cape Town (since 2001), I was mugged, had a gun pointed in my face during a robbery, had my house robbed when I was at work on two occasions, a friend from university’s boyfriend was murdered, a friend was murdered, two people I know have been stabbed, the list goes on.

Part of me is shaken, the other part angry. I find it so arrogant when people take something that is not theirs, and they have not worked hard for.

Now my friend has been left without a bag, a phone, any ID documents (she’s foreign so this is a big problem), flat keys or her university notes. Worst of all, her diary was taken, a complete violation of her privacy.

But, rather than continue to bitch or give in to my sudden interest in leaving the country, I am trying to get on with things.

There are so many things that annoy me about South Africa, but there are so many more things I love.

But ‘skaroo’ those assholes that mugged us. I hope they don’t come out as good as they did the next time they attack someone.

President Jacob Zuma – WB Yeats Predicted This 90 Years Ago

Posted in Uncategorized with tags , , , , , on April 6, 2009 by starstripe
Getting pissed on tax-payers money had given Jacob lots of practice at the funky chicken

Getting pissed on tax-payers money had given Jacob lots of practice at the funky chicken

Well Joy. Jacob Zuma has been let off scott-free, thanks to the spineless c**ts of the NPA. A friend of mine sent me this in summary of his opinion on the matter:

The Second Coming

Turning and turning in the widening gyre
The falcon cannot hear the falconer;
Things fall apart; the centre cannot hold;
Mere anarchy is loosed upon the world,
The blood-dimmed tide is loosed, and everywhere
The ceremony of innocence is drowned;
The best lack all conviction, while the worst
Are full of passionate intensity.

Surely some revelation is at hand;
Surely the Second Coming is at hand.
The Second Coming! Hardly are those words out
When a vast image out of Spiritus Mundi
Troubles my sight: somewhere in sands of the desert
A shape with lion body and the head of a man,
A gaze blank and pitiless as the sun,
Is moving its slow thighs, while all about it
Reel shadows of the indignant desert birds.
The darkness drops again; but now I know
That twenty centuries of stony sleep
Were vexed to nightmare by a rocking cradle,
And what rough beast, its hour come round at last,
Slouches towards Bethlehem to be born?

— William Butler Yeats

Sounds pretty on par to me.

Some Contemporary Humour :)

Posted in Mind Ramblings, Uncategorized with tags , , , , , , , , , , on March 13, 2009 by starstripe

The world seems to be going a little whacked at the moment. As Norman Bates said – “We all go a little crazy sometimes”. That’s all good but with a recession holding the globe’s economy by the scrotum, insanity seems to be a daily event. Someone mentioned yesterday that this economic crisis isn’t as bad as in the 20’s and no one has thrown themselves off buildings in anguish and haven’t done so in a good few years. Another replied “Ummm they have, but that was because the Twin Towers were on fire.”


Pardon me, I just love sick humour.

On the local shores, we have the election madness setting in. I admit that I have some fear in my stomach about the future of the country, considering the problems with corruption, cheating and Julius Malema’s Matric results.

I was sent two emails by the fabulous Jono1980 which brought some comic relief to my fears about the world recession and South African political circus. Ta jono, please send more 馃檪


– DON’T waste money on expensive ipods. Simply think of your favourite
tune and hum it. If you want to “switch tracks”, simply think of
another song you like and hum that instead.

路 DON’T waste money on expensive paper shredders to avoid
having your identity stolen. Simply place a few dog turds in the bin
bags along with your old bank statements.

路 SAVE money on expensive personalised car number plates by
changing your name to match your existing plate. – Mr. KVL 741GP,

路 DON’T waste money buying expensive binoculars; simply stand
closer to the object you wish to view.

路 AN empty aluminium cigar tube filled with angry wasps makes
an inexpensive vibrator.

路 SAVE electricity by turning off all the lights in your house
and walking around wearing a miner’s hat.

路 HOUSEWIVES, the best way to get two bottles of washing-up
liquid for the price of one is by putting one in your shopping trolley
and the other in your coat pocket.

路 OLD telephone directories make ideal personal address books,
simply cross out the names and address of people you don’t know.

路 SAVE on booze by drinking cold tea instead of whisky. The
following morning you can create the effects of a hangover by drinking
a thimble-full of washing up liquid and banging your head repeatedly
on the wall.

路 SAVE a fortune on laundry bills. Give your dirty shirts to
the hospice shop, they will wash and iron them and you can buy them
back for fifty cents.

路 CAN’T afford contact lenses? Simply cut out small circles of
cling film and press them into your eyes.

路 MAKE your own inexpensive mints by leaving blobs of
toothpaste to dry on a window sill. Use striped toothpaste to make

路 SHOPPERS, when buying oranges and bananas, get more for your money by
peeling them before taking them to the counter to be weighed.

And finally…ZUMATELLO

Master Splinter will be thrilled.

Master Splinter will be thrilled.

Your Standard Wank – Simpler, Better, Faster

Posted in Random Randoms with tags , , , , , , , on December 3, 2008 by starstripe

Uninspiring, Unmotivating and UninvolvedFrom now on, I have decided to call Standard Bank – “Standard Wank”, just like the Laugh it Off tshirt that got banned in 2003 (I think?). No wonder Standard Wank wanted the tshirt banned – it pretty much summed up what they must get up to in聽 their 9 till 3.30 working day: Absolutely FUCK ALL.

My peril started when I realised my bank card was missing yesterday. I know myself pretty well and I have a memory like a sieve so the chances of remembering where I lost it are slim to none, so I cancelled the card straight away with no problem.

Like any normal person, I then decided to transfer all of my funds across to my credit card for the month so I would have a card to use whilst I waited the 7 working days it was going to take for my new card to arrive (it has to get sent down from Johannesburg and then I have to go and pick it up from my branch).

Then I went onto Standard Wank internet banking to be told “There is a problem with the card number you have entered. It is either illegal or has expired.”

In other words: “FUCK YOU, you dumbass client!!! You wanna lose your card? Well we are gonna make your life a living HELL. Even more of a living hell than banking with us!!! Aha! AHAHAHAH!!! MUWAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!”

I phoned the call centre straight away, asking why I can’t get into my internet banking after I had cancelled my card. It took a while to get the message across to the operator that I had not cancelled my ACCOUNT but my CARD.

When we had established that I had only cancelled my card, the gentleman on the other side of the line told me “you can’t use your internet banking until you have the new card or you have to go聽 into a branch.”

So basically, if you lose your card, you can’t use your internet banking for transactions etc for seven days. Screw paying rent. Screw paying bills. You just have to sit with no card and no internet banking and get into sheit with your creditors. Or go into the bank, wait in a queue for an hour, come back to work late and get into more shit. Could the woman who cancelled my card not have warned me about this teensy little detail?!!! I pay R170 a MONTH for my account! That is R2040 a YEAR!!!


Now, the entire reason I have internet banking is so that I don’t have to go and stand in bank branches for my entire lunch hour, squeezed in between dunbious people, most of whom need a good scrubbing or at least some deodorant. If the banks could stay open later than 3.30pm or have their employees roll out of bed just a bit earlier to open up at 8am, this would be a different story.

But banks in South Africa don’t really seem to be able to grasp the concept that in order for their clients to be able to bank with them, they have to be EMPLOYED. That means they have to have JOBS. And jobs usually START BEFORE 9am and END AFTER 3.30pm. But why should Standard Wank and other banks get up a bit earlier and work a bit later to suit their clients? Puhleaaaaaase, I shouldn’t be so self centered should I?

Plus the bastards are going to charge me R75 for a card replacement.

I think every single person, and I mean every single individual I know has had problems with their banks. One friend was charged for a petrol card which she didn’t apply for. One other friend applied for a credit card which was then sent to the wrong branch. Because banks cannot send cards between branches, the card had to be cancelled and she had to reapply for it. They failed to include the origional application specifics, such as a budget facility so when she discovered that her origional requests were not valid on her new card, she was told she would have to wait for six months to change it or pay off the entire amount owed on the card.

But this is stuff that happens every day, all day! It is such a regular thing in this country – literally millions and millions of these fuck ups happen a year! That is a couple for every single person in the country every year.

And the problem is not just with banks. The council repeatedly forgets to send me my water bill, or sends it to the wrong address, then charges me interest when I don’t pay it (because I have not been sent a bill). ADT has taken double my monthly installment out of my account on numerous occasions and when I complained, I was told that they could not pay me back the money. Even though they had literally charged me double my fee more than once. It was only when I wrote an incredibly snotty and vicious email to the regional ADT manager in August that the problem was noted. I was paid the money back A WEEK AGO (it is December now, they decided to pay me via a cheque so I had to wait seven days for the money, even though they have my account details and could have done a direct transfer).

The scary part of all of this is that when you complain, the reply “I’m sorry, there is nothing we can dooooo” is the regular lifesaver for all incompetent service providers, thriving off their monopolised power. Now, I’m sorry, but that reply is just not good enough anymore.聽 Actually, it never has been good enough or acceptable, but as a country that is pretty much devoid of any skilled labour, appalling has become so accepted that these bastard companies just get away with shitty, inconvenient and costly service (to the consumers) time and time again.

I think it is time to move to another country, because South Africa is not moving forward in any way. Yes, nice football stadiums and statues of freedom fighters are nice and pretty, but couldn鈥檛 we spend the money on education instead or feeding kids that are so starving that their brains are being chewed up?

Bleh, that is my angry rant for the day.