I really fucking hate it when people come onto my boyfriend. It fucks me off to the highest amount of fucking off that is possible. Yes, it’s a little because I usually feel less-than these trollops who are usually thinner than I am. But it’s mostly because, I KNOW WOMEN.

I am a woman. We are devious, bitchy and horrific creatures. I’ve had two men cheat on their long term girlfriends with me, so I am just as bad. I really didn’t give a crap at the time, as I was single, on the rebound, feeling shit about myself and very horny. I had never met these girls, so what the hell was the problem? As Earl will tell you, it’s KARMA. Karma is a bitch. I paid heavily for leaving my first boyfriend for someone else. I paid for it from 2004 to 2008. Four years of absolute horrible heartache.

First, my so-called best friend at the time pounced on my newly single ex that I had left my previous ex for. They are now married and living happily in London together. Then my next boyfriend left me for another woman and they are now about 2 weeks away from becoming parents. I remember he and I always said we would call our first born after his father, Andrew. Doubt he’ll remember that come two weeks time when his girlfriend with the shiny face is pushing out his offspring. And that isn’t even including the four other women he cheated on me with. Karma, you fucking bitch.

Wait though, I was a fucking bitch. I stole someone’s ex a week after he dumped my friend. He also happened to be my ex’s best friend as of a week before that. When I was pretty and good looking, I knew I could get men eating out of the palm of my hand and boy, did I hurt a lot of people. Now that the shit hit the fan for four years, of course I regret it, but at the time, I felt important, accepted and beautiful.

I’ve always had a very fucked up (heh) attitude to sex. And you know what? I am so-not alone. I think most women do. When did you last meet a woman with a healthy attitude to sex, men and relationships?  I used to believe that if a man was willing to see me with no clothes on, with the sight being so disturbing, they must REALLY like me. In reality, it was more the opposite. I got used and I used them too, happily and ignorantly, thinking that I was a better person because I was desirable and my life was like an episode of Melrose Place, minus Heather Locklear.

The point I am trying to make is that, it really bothers me when women chase my boyfriend, because I know what it’s like to be that woman. Low self esteem, hectic image to uphold, inconsolable need for attention and affection. And that need is a pretty strong need and, in all honesty, makes you completely devoid of a soul. I should just sit back and watch and laugh. I should just not let it bother me. But when there are hot chicks (that I think are way hotter and therefore way better and more desirable) that are hell-bent on biffing my boyfriend, of course I am freaked out. My self esteem ain’t great y’know. I don’t think I am particularly valuable at the moment because I find myself repulsive because I am fat.

I put myself in the shoes of said boyfriend and see what the choices are – loose, slutty metal chicks who have perfect figures and are into the same music and social scene as him, and me, who is repulsive and a trance head. I trust him, believe me, but to me, I would pick the slutty metal chicks. And that is so hard to get over.

So, slutty metal chicks, off is the general direction I wish you would fuck. \M/

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