Archive for April, 2009

Polar Bear Hugger – New Breed of Retard

Posted in Uncategorized on April 17, 2009 by starstripe

Whilst wearing my legs away on a bike at the gym yesterday, I happened to see a woman in a pit, swimming with polar bears on my bike’s little TV screen, courtesy of Sky News. “That’s not normal” I thought to myself, but couldn’t get the full story because I had no earphones with me. This morning I did a little investigating and it turns out that some insane Kraut decided to try and get friendly with a polar bear.

Nice.

Apparently the woman climbed over a fence, a wall and ‘prickly hedges’ before practicing her best bomb technique into the enclosure pool. Swimming towards the nearest cuddly-bear with a smile plastered on her face (like someone who has slicked two caps of acid), the woman soon became play fodder for the creatures. After failed attempts by the zoo staff to get her out of the water, the polar bears pulled off her pants in a last stab attempt at launching her world humiliation to new highs.

She was eventually pulled out and sent to hospital where she is recuperating and facing criminal charges. No one knows yet why she pulled the stunt, but mental instability is propbably something to do with it. Or a bet for a million Deutsche Mark.

I’m a big fan of self destruction, but not when it becomes a world wide embarrassment. I had to join in on the 6 billion people world wide, uttering in joint fashion “you utter dimwit” and seeing as a polar bear was involved, my lol was created.

Feel free to vote for it on Icanhascheezburger – the source of much happiness in my life.

Mebbeh French meat bettr?

Mebbeh French meat bettr?

Read the full story here.

And check out the picture gallery here.

MetroFAIL

Posted in Random Randoms on April 9, 2009 by starstripe

Yes MetroRail, I really do hate you. You are the epitome of the South African incompetence that I am so sick of. Here I sit on a broken down train that is supposed to be the express train. The only thing express about this train is how quickly it is pissing me off.

On Wednesday night, I worked late. There is a train which leaves the station at 6.58pm exactly and I was on the platform at 6.57pm wondering where the bloody train was. I asked a guard who was standing near to me and probably needs therapy after dealing with me.

‘Excuse me, but where is the train?’ I asked her. ‘Oh it left already’ she replied with a beaming smile. ‘How can it have left already?’ I bellowed, ‘look at the board, it is not meant to leave for one more minute!’ ‘Oh’ she replied, ‘there is another train at half past seven from platform 5’ she beamed. ‘But why did the train leave early! It does this all the time!’ I shrieked. ‘Oh, I don’t know, sorry, you have to complain to the manager if you have a problem.’ ‘Well, seeing as I have over half an hour to kill, I’ll go and do that, where is their office?’ I asked, to which she replied, beaming smile intact still, despite the fact that I had steam coming out of my nose, ‘oh sorry madam, the office is closed’.

I’m very proud of myself however as I managed to restrain myself from punching her teeth out. But this is a daily occurrence with Metrorail. Trains leaving early, leaving late, not arriving at all or breaking down. And this is the best part- on the odd occasion that they do announce delays, their way of making it up to everyone who is late for work is to say… ‘we apologise for the inconvenience caused’. Bastards.

I don’t even know why I bother to buy a ticket, as the guards are usually too busy gossiping amongst themselves to check that my ticket is valid. As usual, the monopoly wins.

President Jacob Zuma – WB Yeats Predicted This 90 Years Ago

Posted in Uncategorized with tags , , , , , on April 6, 2009 by starstripe
Getting pissed on tax-payers money had given Jacob lots of practice at the funky chicken

Getting pissed on tax-payers money had given Jacob lots of practice at the funky chicken

Well Joy. Jacob Zuma has been let off scott-free, thanks to the spineless c**ts of the NPA. A friend of mine sent me this in summary of his opinion on the matter:

The Second Coming

Turning and turning in the widening gyre
The falcon cannot hear the falconer;
Things fall apart; the centre cannot hold;
Mere anarchy is loosed upon the world,
The blood-dimmed tide is loosed, and everywhere
The ceremony of innocence is drowned;
The best lack all conviction, while the worst
Are full of passionate intensity.

Surely some revelation is at hand;
Surely the Second Coming is at hand.
The Second Coming! Hardly are those words out
When a vast image out of Spiritus Mundi
Troubles my sight: somewhere in sands of the desert
A shape with lion body and the head of a man,
A gaze blank and pitiless as the sun,
Is moving its slow thighs, while all about it
Reel shadows of the indignant desert birds.
The darkness drops again; but now I know
That twenty centuries of stony sleep
Were vexed to nightmare by a rocking cradle,
And what rough beast, its hour come round at last,
Slouches towards Bethlehem to be born?

— William Butler Yeats

Sounds pretty on par to me.