Some Contemporary Humour :)

The world seems to be going a little whacked at the moment. As Norman Bates said – “We all go a little crazy sometimes”. That’s all good but with a recession holding the globe’s economy by the scrotum, insanity seems to be a daily event. Someone mentioned yesterday that this economic crisis isn’t as bad as in the 20’s and no one has thrown themselves off buildings in anguish and haven’t done so in a good few years. Another replied “Ummm they have, but that was because the Twin Towers were on fire.”

Ahem

Pardon me, I just love sick humour.

On the local shores, we have the election madness setting in. I admit that I have some fear in my stomach about the future of the country, considering the problems with corruption, cheating and Julius Malema’s Matric results.

I was sent two emails by the fabulous Jono1980 which brought some comic relief to my fears about the world recession and South African political circus. Ta jono, please send more 🙂

CREDIT CRUNCH TIPS

– DON’T waste money on expensive ipods. Simply think of your favourite
tune and hum it. If you want to “switch tracks”, simply think of
another song you like and hum that instead.

· DON’T waste money on expensive paper shredders to avoid
having your identity stolen. Simply place a few dog turds in the bin
bags along with your old bank statements.

· SAVE money on expensive personalised car number plates by
changing your name to match your existing plate. – Mr. KVL 741GP,

· DON’T waste money buying expensive binoculars; simply stand
closer to the object you wish to view.

· AN empty aluminium cigar tube filled with angry wasps makes
an inexpensive vibrator.

· SAVE electricity by turning off all the lights in your house
and walking around wearing a miner’s hat.

· HOUSEWIVES, the best way to get two bottles of washing-up
liquid for the price of one is by putting one in your shopping trolley
and the other in your coat pocket.

· OLD telephone directories make ideal personal address books,
simply cross out the names and address of people you don’t know.

· SAVE on booze by drinking cold tea instead of whisky. The
following morning you can create the effects of a hangover by drinking
a thimble-full of washing up liquid and banging your head repeatedly
on the wall.

· SAVE a fortune on laundry bills. Give your dirty shirts to
the hospice shop, they will wash and iron them and you can buy them
back for fifty cents.

· CAN’T afford contact lenses? Simply cut out small circles of
cling film and press them into your eyes.

· MAKE your own inexpensive mints by leaving blobs of
toothpaste to dry on a window sill. Use striped toothpaste to make
humbugs.

· SHOPPERS, when buying oranges and bananas, get more for your money by
peeling them before taking them to the counter to be weighed.

And finally…ZUMATELLO

Master Splinter will be thrilled.

Master Splinter will be thrilled.

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