Archive for Uncategorized

Polar Bear Hugger – New Breed of Retard

{ April 17, 2009 @ 11:12 am } · { Uncategorized }
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Whilst wearing my legs away on a bike at the gym yesterday, I happened to see a woman in a pit, swimming with polar bears on my bike’s little TV screen, courtesy of Sky News. “That’s not normal” I thought to myself, but couldn’t get the full story because I had no earphones with me. This morning I did a little investigating and it turns out that some insane Kraut decided to try and get friendly with a polar bear.

Nice.

Apparently the woman climbed over a fence, a wall and ‘prickly hedges’ before practicing her best bomb technique into the enclosure pool. Swimming towards the nearest cuddly-bear with a smile plastered on her face (like someone who has slicked two caps of acid), the woman soon became play fodder for the creatures. After failed attempts by the zoo staff to get her out of the water, the polar bears pulled off her pants in a last stab attempt at launching her world humiliation to new highs.

She was eventually pulled out and sent to hospital where she is recuperating and facing criminal charges. No one knows yet why she pulled the stunt, but mental instability is propbably something to do with it. Or a bet for a million Deutsche Mark.

I’m a big fan of self destruction, but not when it becomes a world wide embarrassment. I had to join in on the 6 billion people world wide, uttering in joint fashion “you utter dimwit” and seeing as a polar bear was involved, my lol was created.

Feel free to vote for it on Icanhascheezburger – the source of much happiness in my life.

Mebbeh French meat bettr?

Mebbeh French meat bettr?

Read the full story here.

And check out the picture gallery here.

President Jacob Zuma – WB Yeats Predicted This 90 Years Ago

{ April 6, 2009 @ 1:35 pm } · { Uncategorized }
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Getting pissed on tax-payers money had given Jacob lots of practice at the funky chicken

Getting pissed on tax-payers money had given Jacob lots of practice at the funky chicken

Well Joy. Jacob Zuma has been let off scott-free, thanks to the spineless c**ts of the NPA. A friend of mine sent me this in summary of his opinion on the matter:

The Second Coming

Turning and turning in the widening gyre
The falcon cannot hear the falconer;
Things fall apart; the centre cannot hold;
Mere anarchy is loosed upon the world,
The blood-dimmed tide is loosed, and everywhere
The ceremony of innocence is drowned;
The best lack all conviction, while the worst
Are full of passionate intensity.

Surely some revelation is at hand;
Surely the Second Coming is at hand.
The Second Coming! Hardly are those words out
When a vast image out of Spiritus Mundi
Troubles my sight: somewhere in sands of the desert
A shape with lion body and the head of a man,
A gaze blank and pitiless as the sun,
Is moving its slow thighs, while all about it
Reel shadows of the indignant desert birds.
The darkness drops again; but now I know
That twenty centuries of stony sleep
Were vexed to nightmare by a rocking cradle,
And what rough beast, its hour come round at last,
Slouches towards Bethlehem to be born?

— William Butler Yeats

Sounds pretty on par to me.

SPCA HELPS WITH TABLE MOUNTAIN FIRES

{ March 20, 2009 @ 3:01 pm } · { Random Randoms, Uncategorized }
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Table Mountain fire:

SPCA rescues injured wildlife COGH SPCA Chief Inspector Andries Venter carries the severly burnt grysbokkie to safety.

Andries Ventre with injured bokkie

Andries Venter with injured bokkie

When they found the bokkie

The greysbokkie when we found her

Wildlife is the main casualty of the fires on Table Mountain – and the SPCA has had its hands full with urgent rescue and relief missions.Although numerous wild animals have been rescued, more casualties are expected while the fire still burns – and in its aftermath – and SPCA Inspectors remain on full alert. To date, no domestic animals appear to have been affected, but the SPCA urges pet owners to keep a close eye on their dogs and cats. One of the heartbreaking casualties of the fire was a grysbok, whose plight was brought to the attention of SPCA Chief Inspector Andries Venter by the City of Cape Town’s Disaster Management team. The grysbok was found in a quarry near Vredehoek, with severe burn wounds on its legs and face. It was unable to move because of its injuries. The animal was rushed to Dr George Coury at Citi Vet in Gardens, where it was put on a drip and given emergency treatment for its pain and injuries. Unfortunately it suffered internal injuries from smoke inhalation and passed away.

To report injured animals – or for more information about the SPCA’s rescue efforts – please call 021 700 4158/9 or contact the SPCA after hours emergency number: 083 326 1604.

Some Contemporary Humour :)

{ March 13, 2009 @ 12:53 pm } · { Mind Ramblings, Uncategorized }
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The world seems to be going a little whacked at the moment. As Norman Bates said – “We all go a little crazy sometimes”. That’s all good but with a recession holding the globe’s economy by the scrotum, insanity seems to be a daily event. Someone mentioned yesterday that this economic crisis isn’t as bad as in the 20’s and no one has thrown themselves off buildings in anguish and haven’t done so in a good few years. Another replied “Ummm they have, but that was because the Twin Towers were on fire.”

Ahem

Pardon me, I just love sick humour.

On the local shores, we have the election madness setting in. I admit that I have some fear in my stomach about the future of the country, considering the problems with corruption, cheating and Julius Malema’s Matric results.

I was sent two emails by the fabulous Jono1980 which brought some comic relief to my fears about the world recession and South African political circus. Ta jono, please send more :)

CREDIT CRUNCH TIPS

- DON’T waste money on expensive ipods. Simply think of your favourite
tune and hum it. If you want to “switch tracks”, simply think of
another song you like and hum that instead.

· DON’T waste money on expensive paper shredders to avoid
having your identity stolen. Simply place a few dog turds in the bin
bags along with your old bank statements.

· SAVE money on expensive personalised car number plates by
changing your name to match your existing plate. – Mr. KVL 741GP,

· DON’T waste money buying expensive binoculars; simply stand
closer to the object you wish to view.

· AN empty aluminium cigar tube filled with angry wasps makes
an inexpensive vibrator.

· SAVE electricity by turning off all the lights in your house
and walking around wearing a miner’s hat.

· HOUSEWIVES, the best way to get two bottles of washing-up
liquid for the price of one is by putting one in your shopping trolley
and the other in your coat pocket.

· OLD telephone directories make ideal personal address books,
simply cross out the names and address of people you don’t know.

· SAVE on booze by drinking cold tea instead of whisky. The
following morning you can create the effects of a hangover by drinking
a thimble-full of washing up liquid and banging your head repeatedly
on the wall.

· SAVE a fortune on laundry bills. Give your dirty shirts to
the hospice shop, they will wash and iron them and you can buy them
back for fifty cents.

· CAN’T afford contact lenses? Simply cut out small circles of
cling film and press them into your eyes.

· MAKE your own inexpensive mints by leaving blobs of
toothpaste to dry on a window sill. Use striped toothpaste to make
humbugs.

· SHOPPERS, when buying oranges and bananas, get more for your money by
peeling them before taking them to the counter to be weighed.

And finally…ZUMATELLO

Master Splinter will be thrilled.

Master Splinter will be thrilled.

They’re HEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEERE!

{ March 10, 2009 @ 11:35 am } · { Uncategorized }
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Ok, so I know I have been super effing slack about updating my blog. Going off medication, going back on it again, double other meds, moving house, and minor nervous breakdowns about other life stuff will do that to me. So bear with me. Good grief, I just noticed that my version of Microsoft Word doesn’t have the word “blog” in its dictionary. Eeek.

So as I said, I have moved from my house in Harfield Village to a trendoid flat in Claremont. Call me a sell out, but the call of heavy security, a dear old friend as a housemate and the gym within walking distance will do that to a person. It has a pool too. Not that I have used it much; the anorexic, blonde student brigade scares me off just a TAD. Worst is, I used to be just like that so I know that they would think. And it isn’t nice.

I’m really enjoying the flat and the resident ghost that keeps throwing my calendar off the wall, and now I am back on my meds, even the noise of all the partying students in the street doesn’t bother me: twenty minutes after taking them I am so unconscious I could sleep through an earthquake! I did that once when I was a kid by the way. I slept through a 5.5 on the Richter scale. Once more… Eeek.

Anyway, my posts from now on will be much shorter. I realize that loooong posts tire me and bore readers. I’ll just have to condense my lovely descriptions somewhat.

Anyway, I will write soon. I promise :)

Help my sister find her kitten Mieke!!!

{ December 15, 2008 @ 3:39 pm } · { Uncategorized }
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I haven’t written a blog post in a while because I have been busy and not really had a spare moment to think.
But right now I have a bit of a quest so here I am.

My sister who lives in Durban has lost her kitten Mieke. She is beside herself. I am so devastated for her and her husband so I figured that because I am sitting in an office in gardens in Cape Town and can’t do anything, I will try and do what I can using my friend the internet.

Mieke went missing at 8am on Saturday the 13th December in Redwood Crescent in Glen Anil in Durban (Glen Anil is just North of Durban North).

She is a 4 month old tortoiseshell and has a distinctive straight line down her forehead and nose. She is mostly black and ginger with a ginger blob on her white belly. She has little white socks on her paws, and she has a little black smudge on her nose.

These photos were taken just over a month ago so she has grown since then.
This is what little Mieke looks like:

mieke

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Please, if you know ANYONE in Durban, or anyone who knows anyone in Durban, especially in Glen Anil or Durban North, send them the URL to this blog and ask them to keep a look out for her.

If you see or hear of anything, please call my sister or her husband on:

ALEX 083 7880689

PAUL 083 5587026

OR 031 562 9253

You can even leave a response under the blog or email me at starstripe999@gmail.com.

Help my sister get her baby back!!!